Iuncti Pacem
by Sacara
Summary: Updated to Part 9 of 12 .. will be finished soon - work in progress
1. Default Chapter

Iuncti Pacem (lat. joined in peace) by Sacara  
  
author's note: I'm really not sure about her age so don't hit me if I got it wrong, please . :)!! . enjoy!!  
  
~°~ this is the sequel to "With Impunity", I hope you'll like it! ~°~  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
Clarice sat behind a desk, with one elbow propped on the table and her head leaning on one hand, it was actually her old desk. She had spent the last 13 days in a questioning room in the FBI building, explaining and discussing and defending herself against the different kinds of accusations her superiors offered. She tried to appear calmly and arrogantly so that no one would suspect what really was going in her mind.  
  
Her story simply was that she had lost her memory - it was the truth anyway - and just regained tiny pieces from time to time. So she wandered around without the knowledge of who she was and where she came from. No, she had absolutely not the slightest idea where to Dr. Lecter had disappeared, not to mention where he was at the moment. No, she hadn't been able to help Krendler because Lecter had drugged her and she was not quite herself that night. All very decent answers, though lies - even if they were actually of the opinion that she didn't tell the truth, they didn't have the least of a prove. Finally they left the room - all of them - and went outside to brood about her destiny, 38 minutes and 45 seconds later - she knew exactly, because she had been staring at her watch every damn minute from the time on they left - they came back in, and this time only two of them, to tell her that she would be getting her old job back, because there was no visible evidence that she had done something wrong. The younger one of the two padded her on the shoulder and said something like 'Welcome back' - the hell with them, Clarice thought. Special Agent Clarice Starling thanked them coolly, not even a hint of a smile on her face. She stood up moved passed the stunned speechless agents and left the room.  
  
Well, she should be crazily happy and kissing the dirty ground that everything worked out so well, but she couldn't feel anything but the empty space within herself that didn't seem to fill up again. At least she had her job back and was able to work and to forget about what she could have had.  
  
Clarice wondered where he was now - she looked at her watch, it was 11.00 a.m. he was probably sitting at the breakfast table, the paper in his elegant hands shaking his head about something he'd just read - no don't do that, she told herself, it'll only make things worse and you'll never be able to forget. The problem was just that she wasn't sure that she wanted to forget at all, it was an experience that was so unique that she wanted to treasure it. The only thing she really wanted was to be able to not regret her decision to go, because otherwise she'd never be able to enjoy her "normal" life as an agent again. Next month was her birthday. The 30est. Clarice smirked and giggled kind of hysterically. She thought, I am gonna be 30 and there is nothing to live for, nothing, no man no kids no LIFE.... not even a pet!  
  
Suddenly, big hot burning tears were streaming down her cheeks. She let her head hang low and almost ran out of the FBI building. Her work only started again the next day, so she had some time for herself.  
  
When she slammed the door to her old Mustang shut, she felt a little saver and calmer. It was funny what this car did to her, it somehow felt like home - well not exactly home, how could a car be 'home' - but it felt safe and comforting.  
  
~°~°~°~  
  
Clarice woke with the disturbing sounds of the doorbell, sleepily and not really awake she put on a dressing gown and went to the door.  
  
"Who is it?" she asked grumpily.  
  
"I've got a package for you Ms. Starling!" said the familiar voice of her mailman.  
  
Clarice opened the door and received a quite big package from him. She signed and went back into the house.  
  
Inside Starling curiously looked at the stamp and the sender address. It came from a Ms. Willer, in southern California. She didn't know someone called Willer, or did she? Well, of course, Clarice thought of the possibility that Ms.Willer stood for a certain Doctor, and the mere thought made her heart skip a beat or two. She opened it hastily and after putting tons of old newspapers aside she produced a frame, it was about 25 inches long and 10 inches wide and it was a picture of herself, drawn in charcoal, sitting at a breakfast table with a balcony in the background. Of course she knew that scenery, as well as she knew the artist. It was beautiful and Clarice all of a sudden couldn't hold back tears she put one hand over her mouth to prevent herself from sobbing openly. Her lithe body was cramped and trembled incessantly by all those emotions that she'd had to suppress all the time.  
  
Suddenly, it all was too much, all kinds of feelings washed over her like a wave and she was overwhelmed, she couldn't think clearly. Clarice could feel the anger that built up inside of her - it changed into fury - and she threw that frame all across the room. It was a loud bang and then the clinging sound of glass that is breaking. The glass broke into thousands and thousands of the tiniest little pieces. It was thrown into all corners of the room. The frame and the picture lay inches apart on the floor right where they were smashed against the wall. Clarice slowly walked over there and picked up the picture. When she lifted it up a letter, which apparently has been hidden behind the picture, fell down. The fury changed into something totally different: interest and most of all curiosity.  
  
This might be the first proof of life since she has left him. Clarice sat down at the table. Her fingers trembled slightly when she carefully put down the picture and opened up the letter.  
  
It was one of those letters from the Doctor she was used to. Expensive and elegant. She unfolded the stationary and started reading.  
  
Dear Clarice,  
  
You're gone and I feel empty and alone. I hoped you'd finally stop to hate me and that you would stay with me - but now that there does not seem to be  
anything worth living for left in this world -  
  
I decided to say "Farewell, my little Clarice".  
  
-  
  
I hope you will achieve everything you've ever wished for and that your  
life will be full-filling and satisfying.  
  
In love  
  
Hannibal Lecter, MD  
  
That was all there was.  
  
Clarice shook her head and read it all over again, and again. This was so very strange. It didn't sound like him at all, quite the reverse, it sounded as if he pretended that he'll do something he'd never in his wildest dreams, except he was forced to, would do. --- namely to kill himself ---  
  
Again she shook her head:" What in hell are you trying to say, Hannibal? And why do you rely on me . you know I can't cope with it!" she said loudly.  
  
Starling stood up and, with the letter in her hand, paced around nervously. He probably wanted her to show the letter to the FBI - but why for Heavens Sake . 'But, of course' she thought, he tried to get the FBI of his back . but did he really think this could work and why now of all times . and there were so many questions left . she decided to think it over before she'd show anything to the FBI.  
  
Clarice got dressed mechanically while all the time deep in thoughts. Only when she sat in her car and started the engine she noticed where she was and what she was doing. She really could not remember how she got into her Mustang. Special Agent Clarice Starling sat there, smiling about herself.  
  
~°~°~  
  
The day didn't bring her to a solution. It was actually a quite boring day - mainly paperwork - surely they wanted to keep her quiet and it would take some time until they would assign her to a bigger case again.  
  
So what was she supposed to do about his letter . he surely was waiting for her to react or at least act. She thought about what he had written and if it might compromise her anyhow. Clarice smiled, of course he had it written as if all the time she had fought against him and as if he had tried to persuade her to stay but hadn't succeeded, which actually was true somehow, except that she had started to feel something for him: excitement, interest and maybe love . and then he had set her free after some horrible time of torture. She scoffed.  
  
*Hannibal you did it again. Again I don't have the slightest chance to get you out of my system . you'll be there forever won't you?!* . Clarice thought a little wistfully, but also kind of amused. She was not angry that he had written her, no not at all, she was just annoyed, because deep within herself she knew that she regretted the decision to leave him.. she regretted it so much that she had been furious when she had looked at the picture he had drawn for her .. she regretted that she hadn't finally surrendered to her feelings and slept with him.. she wanted it so much, at least her body in the first place, but couldn't bring herself to it ... and, she regretted to have given up all those intriguing discussions with him .. yes, she definitely regretted it. It crashed into her mind like a flash: she really would have approved of a life with a man who had killed several people. It seemed that she somehow made up her mind without even being aware of it. But it was too late now. She had left him there, made him feel miserable, at least that she was certain of. Would he take her back? Well, he had said so, but he might have changed his mind...  
  
Clarice decided to sleep on it, the next day was Saturday and she didn't have to go to work. She hoped by then she would know what to do about her little problem.  
  
~°~°~  
  
The next morning Starling woke with the sound of her doorbell which was ringing constantly, as if somebody was leaning on it. Reluctantly she looked at her watch, it was 8.37 a.m. and much too early to Clarice's taste. She wondered what it would be this time, put on a dressing gown and stood up to get the door.  
  
Clarice opened.  
  
A young man was leaning against the doorframe. Clarice knew him from somewhere, she wondered from where. She looked past him at the car that was parked down the street. Inside sat another man.  
  
"Can I help you?" she asked.  
  
"Agent Starling?" he said more or less friendly, and pulled his credentials out of his jacket. "I'm Agent Petersen and I am supposed to accompany you back to the headquarters."  
  
Clarice frowned. "Why, it is Saturday . I don't understand. .. ?"  
  
"There's no more to say. I have my orders to bring you there, and actually I don't know either, but even if I knew, I was not supposed to tell you. You know the procedures, Starling!" he kind of smirked, and Clarice decided that very moment that she didn't like him.  
  
"Ok. I'll be back in five," and she slammed the door right into his stupid grin.  
  
~°~°~  
  
Clarice sat in the back seat of the black FBI car, and thought very hard about what they could want this time. Actually she was a little worried. What if they somehow had found out about the real circumstances with Hannibal? But how could that have happened? Did he maybe tell them? . no he'd never do that!!! Never!! She shook her head ever so slightly.  
  
'This could prove to be very interesting', Clarice thought to herself..  
  
~°~°~ to be continued ~°~°~ 


	2. Iuncti Pacem, Part 2

Authors note: this is the second part to my sequel . I hope you'll enjoy . 'be patient with Clarice .. she's confused and in love .' ~°~  
  
This looked all too familiar .. A dozen pairs of eyes were directed at her when she entered the conference room. She was seated at one of the empty chairs opposite to them. Everything looked just too familiar .Clarice sighed. Maybe she was about to be dismissed again, she wondered, but for what cause?? Did they really know something about Hannibal and herself . 'darn, what is it you have against me' she thought. Inside herself the feelings played thunderstorm, outside she appeared to be calm and superior, the perfect professional, Special Agent Clarice Starling..  
  
The door opened and the big boss entered the room. She hadn't spoken to him since the incidents with Ivelda Drumgo. She wasn't very eager to have to now .. but there was no getting out, so she had to face it, again all alone with apparently the whole FBI against her. Clarice sighed.  
  
He sat down, opened his jacket and fixed a tie, which actually was totally and absolutely in fine order. So he was kind of nervous too. What was wrong with all these people .. what in hell had she done. what evidence did they have? Again so many questions that remained unanswered.  
  
"Agent Starling?" one of those suits addressed her suddenly.  
  
"Yes sir!" she found his gaze and held it steadily, which was disturbing him anyhow. It seemed that he believed that she was hiding something and might feel guilty.  
  
"Is it right that you received a parcel a day ago?" he went on.  
  
For heavens sake - how did they know about that. all of a sudden the scales fell from her eyes . they had been intercepting her mail all the time. Oh no! She should have thought about that. What a deadly mistake! Clarice tried to stay calm. It was her only chance. 'Try to explain it somehow' she told herself.  
  
"Yes sir, positive, I received a parcel yesterday!"  
  
"Well Starling, tell us what were the contents of the parcel?" .darn they knew exactly. This was a trap, they wanted to get her out of the department. What now? Think, girl, think. could they know about the letter too. well of course.. they presumably had searched it for fingerprints or any other sign from the Doctor. The must have found the letter as well. Probably they also had it copied before they put it back in between.  
  
"Well Sir, the contents were a framed picture of myself drawn in charcoal and a letter, which was hidden behind the picture!"  
  
"W e l l . " he stopped, then there was an uncomfortable silence," isn't there something else you might want to tell us Agent Starling?" he grinned sort of meanly.  
  
"Other than the fact that the parcel probably was sent by Dr. Hannibal Lecter, sir, I am not sure what you mean?" she grinned back, and it gave her great satisfaction that his grin faded and his lips then were just a thin line. He reminded her so much of Krendler that her stomach screamed with disdain. She had been so grateful that she would not have to face him again, and now this.  
  
Krendler number two now looked at his superiors as if to ask for instructions. Big Boss nodded and again he looked at her.  
  
"Starling, are you aware that you were holding back evidence? Your task would have been to at once inform the headquarters that you've received a parcel from a member of the ten most wanted list, but you didn't. Of course, by now, you have noticed that we have intercepted your mail. In the first place it was meant to be to guard you, but it seems now that there is more yet to your stay with Hannibal Lecter than you wanted us to believe. Maybe you want to tell us now why you didn't inform us about the parcel and what you know about the whereabouts of Hannibal Lecter?"  
  
Clarice could not believe what was happening to her. 'Is this a dream' she wondered. Apparently not. Then she had an idea.  
  
"Sir, I survived quite a long time in the presence of Hannibal Lecter and when I received that parcel I was in complete shock! I smashed the frame against the wall, you can check that, the glass is still sprayed all across the room, and I finally found the letter, which I read. And of course I instantly thought about informing you, but I first wanted to think it over. As you know I am the only one who ever has been that close to him, if you can call it 'close', and I just wanted to consider what he was trying to say in his letter..!" She couldn't even finish when Krendler number two interrupted.  
  
"Isn't it perfectly clear, what he wants to say with his letter?? - he is about to kill himself - out of love for you Agent Starling, how touching, ain't it?" again this ugly grin. She'd love to tell him what she really thought of him..  
  
"Sir, that's what I meant to think about, I am not sure what he means with his words. That's why I waited .. I just was too confused. Isn't that understandable? I admit I shouldn't have waited that long, but I wanted to think about it over the weekend and give it to you Monday morning!"  
  
Again there was silence.  
  
Krendler two was talking very quietly to his superiors and Clarice thought about the odds that she would be allowed to stay in the FBI. It was such a dumb situation. She cursed herself for not thinking about the possibility that they might search her mail.  
  
"Agent Starling.. " before he could finish his sentence two young against burst into the room.  
  
They were holding cell phones in there hands and one of them had a piece of paper in his hands. He put the paper in front of the chief inspector, who was reading whatever was written there, a deep frown appeared on his forehead.  
  
"Can I have your attention, please! We just received this fax and lots of calls from the local police stations that the body of Dr. Hannibal Lecter has been found. The body seems to be totally burned caused by the explosion of the engine, but an impression has been made and proves that it definitely is Hannibal Lecter!"  
  
Silence hung heavily over their heads.  
  
Clarice sat there in total disbelief. NO - that was impossible. He was NOT DEAD.... He could not be dead. She was totally oblivious to everything that was going on in the room. Everybody was talking all of a sudden, but Clarice could only think of the times she had spent in his presence. The excitement she had felt whenever he was near her. NO - it was not true . at least she hoped.  
  
~°~°~ to be continued ~°~°~ 


	3. Glimmer Of Hope, Part 3

Iuncti Pacem (lat. joined in peace) ---- Part 3 by Sacara  
  
author's note: this is part three of my story .. thanks for your interest and all the nice comments ( .. keep them coming, please!! ..... I will lift the veil of secrecy about his death ..  
  
~°~°~  
  
Dead - dead - dead ----- Hannibal Lecter dead - the monster is dead - the canibal is dead ---- those were the only things Clarice heard. She propped her elbows on the table and leaned her head against her hands to prevent herself from fainting. This was just too much..  
  
It was a total chaos, the whole FBI headquarters seemed to be like the biggest anthill ever.  
  
"Starling! .. Hey Starling !!! .. Special Agent Starling!!"  
  
Clarice woke out of a stadium of profound trance. She lifted her head and searched for the voice that addressed her. Of course it was that suit, Krendler number two.  
  
"Are you coming or do I have to send you a written invitation?" he said sarcastically.  
  
Clarice stood up walked past him with a disdainful look on her face that was meant for Agent Springer, the Krendler 2. He told her angrily to be careful about her behavior in his presence and that it was not his idea so she should be thanking the boss alone, because he himself would have never let her go. The slimy bastard seemed to produce the words like a ventriloquist, because he hardly opened his mouth to speak. He must be quite furious, Clarice thought kind of content.  
  
~°~  
  
Reluctantly, she followed Springer, climbed onto the back seat of the FBI car and sat down - ill at ease in his company. Neither of them spoke while the 15 minutes trip to the scene of the crime. Clarice was chewing incessantly on her lower lip. She didn't know until the car stopped and everybody was getting out. Nervously, she got out as well not really sure what exactly was happening there. She looked around: there were dozens of police cars and officers, at least ten ambulances and fire engines. The car lay in a ditch beside a deserted road. The grass around it was brown and black from the fire and it smelled burnt . everything smelled burnt. Sickness crawled up her throat. The car was totally burnt out and it was nothing much left than the bodywork. Once it must have been a brilliantly polished Jaguar. Clarice tried to imagine Lecter sitting in that car before the accident. It felt right, but was this really his car . had he been driving it . is the body his? So many unanswered questions. Her eye then fell on the crowd. There must be more than a hundred people standing around just doing nothing or the opposite running wild. One of the agents around Springer signaled her to come over. Slowly she obeyed and walked over to them.  
  
It was as if something was pushing her back . an invisible power that tried to force her to stay behind, to not watch it - him - what was left of him - Hannibal - the Cannibal - Lecter . a power that almost seemed to be stronger than her . but then again the voice of that bastard Springer woke her out of it - out of that delirium.  
  
"Starling, get the f..k over here .. a n d .. Yesterday !!" he called.  
  
Clarice's feet moved kind of automatically, until she stood in front of the most terrible thing she had seen in her whole life .. and she had seen horrible things .. but even if actually there had been uglier or scarier things she had had to experience, that was just that horrible because it was the body, or at least it was supposed to be, the body of the Doctor.  
  
She looked at him, it - the body was completely burnt and kind of bended, probably out of pain. That thought suddenly gave her a sharp pang and her stomach contracted. --- NO she thought to herself .. please don't let this be him .. I can't stand this.. ---- With a rapid movement she turned her head away - away from the sight of the deadly burnt body - a body which was said to belong to Hannibal.  
  
Clarice suddenly felt sick - one hand pressed tightly onto her mouth she turned and ran away. It screwed up her throat and she felt as if she was suffocating. Dizziness and a sudden feeling of nausea made her stumble and she almost fell down into the grass. She stopped at the FBI car, breathing very hard. Behind the veil of dizziness she heard voices and the laughter of Springer. He seemed to be laughing at her. She hated him even more for that. Then she heard him saying:  
  
"Starling, what is it - can't stand to see your darling Lecter dead. Is it too much for you girl, huh - pity that you just pretend to be that tough. Now we know how it really is!" and again there was that laughter. The fury inside her grew but she had nowhere to go the get rid of it. Clarice decided to get it over with, to somehow survive this farce.  
  
~°~  
  
She had to stick to it for more than two hours until all tests had been made and everybody had gathered enough information. The body was taken into possession and the car as well was found and taken in. Then all of them finally they got back into the headquarters. Clarice was then free to go home. They would question her again on Monday. She was dismissed until everything was cleared out, but as it was obvious that she could not have anymore secrets with Hannibal Lecter anymore they would probably let her get away with it this time.  
  
~°~  
  
Tired and very depressed she climbed out of the car that had brought her home. She opened the door walked in and closed it with her back leaning against it. One second she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. --- Hannibal d e a d. ----  
  
Those words did not seem to have a meaning in her head, at least not the real one. At the moment former agent Starling shook her head, put her keys and her bag on the highboy and went into the living room. She sat down on the couch. She must have been fallen asleep when the doorbell woke her.  
  
Sleepily she walked over to the door and opened. It was a telegram. She opened it, it said.  
  
--- I have information regarding the death of Hannibal Lecter, meet me at the crime scene the day after tomorrow at 8 p.m. Lucinda Walker MD ---  
  
"Lucinda Walker?" Clarice said aloud. What was that all about, she wondered. She did not know a woman by this name. Would she go?  
  
~°~to be continued~°~ 


	4. Gloom

Iuncti Pacem (lat. joined in peace) ---- Part 4 by Sacara  
  
author's note: . well I thought really hard about how I would proceed this . and finally I knew . thanks again for the comments and your interest. . please don't stop ( .  
  
~°~°~  
  
Clarice sat in her beloved car, her Mustang, and drove home from work. The Monday had been strangely quiet. Nobody came to question her, she had been sitting there in her office twiddling her thumbs, while hours had passed by and nothing, absolutely nothing, had happened - until shortly before end of work some guy brought her the message that the file Hannibal Lecter was closed temporarily and that it would remain closed till new evidence would appear. So she would definitely not be questioned about him again, not about the stay at his house or about the letter or the painting - none of it was important anymore. The Monster was dead.  
  
To clear her mind of her thoughts she turned on the radio.  
  
`.and the police found a body, that has proven to be a member of the ten most wanted list, known as Dr. Hannibal Lecter, The Cannibal, the car was burnt out and. ´ Clarice suddenly turned it off again, she couldn't hear it anymore. It haunted her, he haunted her day and night. Not that she was the least bit afraid - no - it just was not fair that she could not stop to think about him.  
  
"Well Hannibal you did it, didn't you?" she said aloud. "Even in death you're still with me - you'll always will be . " the last words were just a fainted whisper.  
  
She looked at her watch. It was 6.35 p.m. and in less than 90 minutes Dr. Lucinda Walker would be waiting for her. She still was not sure about it. What would it be that this woman was about to tell her? Clarice was not sure at all, but there was one thing she was completely sure of, that she would be going...  
  
~°~°~  
  
She stood there freezing in the twilight. It was five past six and she already began to worry. Clarice changed the hand that was holding the umbrella, because it was getting cold. The rain was falling steadily and it was really uncomfortable to stand there in the wet grass.  
  
Five long minutes later she started to pace around nervously and finally decided to get back into her car, when she saw the lights of another car coming closer. There wasn't much traffic on the road and she wondered if it was the woman she was supposed to meet here or if it was somebody else. When it was about two yards from her it stopped short and the lights went out. Clarice squinted and tried to make out something but it was just too far away. A door opened and one person got out. The stranger wore a coat. That was the only thing Clarice noticed. She still could not say if it was a woman or a man and could not see anything special about the person in the gloom. He or she just stood there doing nothing. Seconds passed and still nothing . not one movement. Clarice trembled. She could not say if from the cold or because she was scared to death. It was just like a scene from a horror movie, the weather, the light, the situation and this strange person that was standing there a long distance away from her. And it made her crazy that he or she did not do anything. Clarice thought about getting into her car, then starting the engine and fleeing from her destiny, but what could this be about at the worst? Well, Lucinda Walker could be a next of kin of one of his victims and now she was about to have her revenge upon him and everyone that's had something to do with him. But `Walker´ - she thought about the name - no, there was no Walker in the whole file --- of course, she could have changed the name - but that was rather far-fetched. What else could it be: someone who had killed Lecter and now tried to kill her, but why? No not very plausible. Or it was just Dr. Walker who was scared as well and did not dare to get closer to Clarice. -----  
  
There was another possibility - of course - but Clarice tried hard to not even think about it, that it maybe was him, that he just planned the whole thing and was not dead. No, Clarice, no they have the impression and it definitely was him - the FBI had closed the file because they had all the facts that proved that he was dead.  
  
All of a sudden, the person slowly raised one hand and even slower waved. Then the stranger got back into the car. The lights were turned back on again. Clarice heard the engine and quietly watched when the car with the stranger dissolved.  
  
She stood there a few minutes longer in the rain. Her shoes and socks wet from the rain. She still trembled, but she was relieved and oddly calm. She realized one thing that all time should have been clear to her.  
  
~°~ to be continued ~°~ 


	5. Closer To Fine

Iuncti Pacem (lat. joined in peace) ---- Part 5 by Sacara  
  
disclaimers: the usual .. author's note: . .sorry about the delay. hope you're still interested ... thanks again for the comments and your interest. . please don't stop ( .  
  
~°~°~  
  
The way home she felt strangely excited, partly because of the frightening experience she just had lived through and partly because she had that profound feeling that he was alive .. she didn't know why that was the case, but her body tingled all over and her hands were sweaty, she just knew it, even if the whole FBI thought he was dead.  
  
'Maybe I just want him to be alive so badly that the stranger seemed to be Lecter' she murmured to herself.  
  
Shaking her head she returned to her car, and only then she noticed that she was soaking wet from the steady rain. Her hair clinged to her cheeks and the water ran down her soft skin. Her face was pale and she was freezing terribly. In the car she closed the door and at once put off her jacket, which was dripping all over the seats. She started the engine and went off home.  
  
On her way back she was brooding about her encounter with that dark figure. Had it really been him or was she just imagining things? The problem was that she simply had no way of finding out the truth, because she wasn't able to talk to anybody about this .. so what should she do? .. A name sprang to her mind, Lucinda Walker, the doctor, it was the easiest way to get to know anything about this - if she had been the stranger it was alright to talk to her and if not maybe she had a message for her .. if she existed at all, which was not sure anyway.  
  
She would check that in the computer as soon as she came home.  
  
Again she thought about the details from the FBI files. They had mentioned that it had to be Lecter, because the teeth impression they took proved exactly that it was him. Also as there of course were no finger prints left on the burnt flesh and the body nearly decayed into ashes with every touch, it was no use trying to get any DNA-tests ready. They had tried it for sure but the results were limited to around 43% which was normal under the given circumstances. So they had to weigh the 100% from the impression against the 43% from the DNA and came to the conclusion that an impression was the perfect proof with a burnt body. So after all these years they closed the case file and declared Hannibal Lecter dead. Clarice thought it way too easy, and contemplated it a bit too rashly, but it wasn't her decision at all, and she was just biased because she couldn't believe him to be dead. Actually, she found it hard to imagine a life without the fact that he could be there somewhere waiting for her. Also she was furious that the decision to return to him should be taken away from her just like this .. it wasn't fair.  
  
~°~°~  
  
The computer didn't give her much. A Dr. Lucinda Walker, MD, at least did exist, but not in the States but in Canada, namely Toronto, and she was a dentist, which brought a smile to Clarice's face. Teeth impression - dentist .. That would prove to become a very interesting trip. She would have to go to Springer her next superior to ask for a holiday. Starling sighed. Springer would take this as a wonderful occasion to mock her again, she knew it, something like 'Oh Starling aren't we taking it a little bit too hard, huh, you surely must miss him that you need to take some days off' . she knew that he would produce something like that. ~Aargh~ she moaned.  
  
"I hate him - I hate him - I hate him . " she said loudly.  
  
Clarice wrote down the doctor's address, and put the paper slip into her bag. She tore away the next three slips of paper from the notebook, to not get in trouble because of that. At least she hadn't begun to getting careless because of the events of the past. She checked it again, and was satisfied because nothing was legible anymore.  
  
Finally in her bed she noticed that she was really tired and exhausted. It had been too much the last days or should she say weeks or months. Lying awake for some more minutes she fell asleep.  
  
~°~°~  
  
The door to her house opened quietly and slowly. A person entered the room. The figure moved smoothly like a panther not making any noise. Running a finger over the still wet jacket which hung behind the door, the person smiled an amused smile. The stranger went to the table on which Clarice placed her bag some minutes ago. He roamed through it until he found what he was looking for - the little slip of paper - again he smiled. He produced a pen from under his coat to write something down on the paperslip. After he finished he folded it neatly to put it back into the bag so that she would find it in the same place.  
  
For a second he just stood there in the room to raise his head slightly and take a deep breath. With his eyes closed he let the smell sink into his system. The stranger sighed. The smell made his heart beat wildly and a warm tender feeling washed over him like a tidal wave. He missed her.  
  
~°~ to be continued ~°~ 


	6. The Search

Iuncti Pacem (lat. joined in peace) ---- Part 6 by Sacara  
  
disclaimers: the usual ..  
  
author's note: .. Our Clarice tries desperately to find the GD . will he let her find him . ??? that is for me to know and you to find out. thanks for the comment and your interest .. keep them coming :) .  
  
~°~°~  
  
Clarice woke up the next day and discovered that she must have caught a cold the last night standing there in the rain, because her head was aching badly and she felt as if she'd done a 20 miles march. She got up and went to take a bath to sooth her body a little bit. Lying there in the hot tub she felt like a new woman, and her body started to relax a little.  
  
~°~°~  
  
"No Sir, I am just a little exhausted from the last events that's all. I know that I haven't worked very long since my return to the FBI but I am just tired." She explained.  
  
Springer smirked at her. "Of course Starling, your 'DARLING ' is dead and you are understandably sad about this" he said with his usual sarcasm, but never was sarcasm so out of place but with Springer, ok she had to admit that Krendler had done his best as well.  
  
"Sir, I just need these few days.?"  
  
He sighed. "Ok Starling take'em, you' of no good use here anyway."  
  
That was just too much. Clarice was so angry, she could have shot him right away and right there in his office, but she swallowed her anger and just nodded, then turned to leave the room.  
  
"Oh and Starling, make sure to return on time!!- he paused to continue - This time you have no excuse to take several weeks of, 'cause he's dead, ain't he?" he grinned at her.  
  
Clarice had just stopped to listen, but hadn't turned around which was good because otherwise she'd have killed him.  
  
~°~°~  
  
Back home she gathered her things and packed a little bag. She would be away for only two or three days, her financial situation was hardly great, and the money would be just enough for the flight and a hotel room for a few days.  
  
She picked up her purse to check if everything was there. Tickets, money, passport, some other things and the paperslip. She opened it up to read it over again. What she read there, below the address she'd written down, made her open her mouth with astonishment. It said:  
  
"DEAD END, Clarice"  
  
~°~°~  
  
Suddenly, Clarice felt the need to look around her as if he still was in the room. He had been in her house, but when??? Some time last night for sure! God this was too much, he had been there, this was all proof she needed ---- He was ALIVE ----  
  
There was still time.  
  
Her decision was still on her side.  
  
Clarice was so relieved, it was as if everything all of a sudden was brighter and lighter.  
  
What did he mean with "dead end"? That Walker was dead or that she wouldn't find anything in Toronto? Should she go anyway? Maybe it was just one of his beloved games .. ---  
  
Yes she would go anyway . she'd find something in Canada, she had a strange hunch about that!!  
  
Agent Starling took her purse and her bag and went outside. Her search began. She was not sure yet. Did she want to find him to be with him or did she want to prove that he was alive - to her and the FBI. She shook her head, there still was a lot left of the ambitious agent she once had been. Clarice decided to think about that when she had found him, and she was sure she would, if not in Canada then somewhere else.  
  
~°~ to be continued ~°~ 


	7. Trip to Insanity

Iuncti Pacem (lat. joined in peace) ---- Part 7: Trip to Insanity by Sacara  
  
disclaimers: the usual ..  
  
author's note: .. Our Clarice tries desperately to find the GD . will he let her find him . ??? that is for me to know and you to find out. thanks for the comment and your interest .. keep them coming :) .  
  
I apologize for the horrible delay but I real life just wouldn't let me get back to writing stories .... sorry again. Hope you're still interested :)  
  
~°~°~  
  
A little air hole woke her out of her reverie. Clarice sighed deeply. She looked out of the window and enjoyed the sight. It was great to be that high above. 'One day I'll have to learn how to fly a helicopter' she thought and smiled. Air planed didn't interest her that much. It was nice to travel like this, and they were comfortable but it was a lot more exciting to go by helicopter. She had had the opportunity several times at work. Her thoughts wandered to different topics  
  
'Dead End' - His words sprang to her mind again and she wondered if this trip turned out to be a complete mistake or if he'd just tried to confuse her. She scoffed. It would be just like him to play games. He loved games. She had to chuckle in spite of herself. She still could not quite believe what she was about to do. She tried to find him and to hunt him down, and then? Well, that was to be decided later, wasn't it? She felt a small tingle of excitement in the pit of her stomach. 'Get a grip girl' she demanded from herself. She didn't really know what it was she was so excited about. Well actually, of course she knew, but she wouldn't allow herself to even let her mind drift away into such dangerous areas.  
  
Clarice sat up straight, as if that bought her back to the facts of life. But wasn't that the real problem: what were the facts of life? Hadn't they changed quite a bit? If she was frank, and she tried hard to be, her principles and somehow her morals and ethics had changed or even more turned to be upside down. She, Clarice Starling, federal agent of the FBI loved a criminal fugitive, a mass murderer and one of the worst kind, maybe the worst. She loved him, she really loved him, truly, madly, deeply ... it was her open secret. Now, how was she supposed to love him, to even live with him? She couldn't allow her to think about those things, because then the possibility to go insane was even higher than it already was. Clarice rubbed the bridge of her nose to force away the threatening headache. She unfastened her seat belt, stood up, collected herself and walked over to the small air plane toilet. She washed her face. The cool water helped a little, but it did not do much to calm her down. Clarice unlocked the door again and closed it quietly after herself. While she turned around to walk back to her seat a familiar scent filled her nostrils. Immediately she searched every seat to find him, but there was no sight of him. Could she have been mistaken. It was his after shave she knew that for sure, but of course he wouldn't be the only one to wear it. She shook her head slightly and walked back to her seat. When she had passed the third row in the front she noticed the scent was coming from some man who was travelling with his family.  
  
She was probably slowly losing her mind. Clarice sighed again.  
  
°~°..............°~°  
  
It rained strongly in Canada, and it was cold. Clarice went to rent a car. She bought a road map and fetched the rental car.  
  
With a low thud she closed the door of the rental, picked up her bag and got out the small piece of paper with the address and the note from Hannibal. 'Dead End, Clarice' ... again the words run through her mind. She brooded about it again, but without any result. What in hell did he mean by that? She couldn't make sense of it. Finally she tugged it away again started the engine and drove off.  
  
After some miles she had the funny feeling that someone was following her. A dark car followed her every move. She tried it out and turned left all of a sudden, then pulled up. Clarice waited. No car in sight. After some minutes she gave up and was persuaded that she had just imagined the persecutor, but then the car turned the corner. Her heart skipped a beat. It was a dark green Jaguar. His favorite car. Could it be him?  
  
°~°.................°~°  
  
Clarice drove on and accelerated. 'Come on Hannibal, or whoever you are - chase me!' she whispered.  
  
--- to be continued --- 


	8. Next Step

Part 8:  
  
It's Him  
  
The car pulled up just behind her. She could not make out the driver due to the fact that the Jaguar had kind of toned or mirrored-glass. Her heart beat accelerated and she started to feel uncomfortable. Her gut told her to be careful. Every muscle in her body clenched. She felt a small tingle in the pit of her stomach. It was that feeling – the feeling that she had every time when .... 'No, don't go there, Clarice' she told herself 'Pull yourself together!' ....  
  
She was not sure how long she had been sitting there staring into the rearview mirror watching the car behind her. It seemed like an eternity. Suddenly the car pulled out of the space behind her and passed her. It slowed down to grind to a halt right beside her. She didn't turn her head, her heart skipped a beat and she froze.  
  
All of a sudden Clarice was out of breath. Her breathing was ragged and her palms began to get sweaty. She hadn't turned her head yet, she was too afraid what she would see there. Her eyes pungently observed the steering- wheel as if there was nothing more important than that. She expected the windows to be scrolled down - first she was too scared to even turn her head slightly to see what was happening there. Her body felt tense and her muscles hurt from not moving. She looked like a living statue with a shiny veil of satiny hair that hung around her finely modeled skull. She heard a low buzzing sound and from the corner of her eye she saw the window go down and disclose what should be within the car. Still Clarice could not bring herself to look sideways – she was just not ready to face reality and of course the truth that hid behind it, because that meant that she had to admit her true feelings and longings and to concede that she had been wrong. Wrong to believe that she could return to her life as a federal agent, to a life without that tingling sensation she felt whenever he was near her.  
  
"Ms. Starling?" a soft female voice asked. Clarice was shook out of her reverie. Her whole upper body swung around to face the other car. Her big baby blues were opened wide and all the color from her face had faded away. She was as white as the snowy mountains in winter time. Clarice would have expected everything but this.  
  
She stared into brown eyes. The woman in the car was in her mid forties, she had brown hair, warm eyes and a face you would remember once and for all, because of its exquisite beauty. She was small, slender and well defined. Clarice could only shake her head. If he had known her, it would not be such an amazing thing, because he always had had beautiful women on his side. He loved beauty in a woman, Clarice knew that much. But beauty in his definition was the superficial beauty combined with keen intellect. That was, what she thought, he liked about her, or more to say fascinated him about her. If she hadn't thrilled him with her acumen, like he would have put it, he would have desisted from her very quickly and she would have been an easy prey for him. 'Lucky me', Clarice thought.  
  
"Ms. Starling?" the voice asked again, this time a little worried.  
  
"Uh, uhm yes, sorry, I was a little surprised, I thought you were someone else. What can I do for you?" she addressed the woman in the Jag.  
  
"Ms. Starling – can I call you Clarice? Clarice, I have some really hard to believe evidence in my vault at home, because I didn't know where to put it, which I think will interest you immensely. It does deal with one person we both knew or should I say know well. Even if I have to admit that you probably know him the best. I never found out until after we split up. Yes, Clarice, I had a relat... no more an affaire with him. Should we go? You can leave your car here and come with me, or you can follow me – whatever pleases you! – Oh before I forget, I am Lucinda Walker, MD, Medical Examiner of Toronto with a special education in the analysis of dental images. I also worked as one of the local dentists, it was a lot more profitable. Well, I had to live, hadn't I?"  
  
Clarice nodded slowly. She had to literally process the data she had just received.  
  
"You had an affair with him? When, how – I mean how was it? And, well I have to think that through. That really it something, Ms. Walker!"  
  
"Lucy, please! Do you want to get into my car?"  
  
No, Ms. W.. Lucy I'll take my car. Please go on. I can think about everything on the way. This really is something... ."  
  
-tbc- 


	9. Darling Hannibal

_A/N:_ Sorry for the long delay – I just wasn't able to write. I will continue this story the next days and will finish it soon. It is almost done anyway – just making slight changes and putting it online. I would be happy if you told me what you think of it .. thanks again for the interest. Ta sacara.

_Part 9: Darling Hannibal_

Clarice didn't really notice the way or where Lucy was going. She was still shocked about the fact that there was some woman Hannibal had had an affair with. Of course, she knew that he had had many women, even had been some kind of a womanizer. However, that she actually would meet one of them, who if anything even admits that she had slept with 'the Beast' was somehow hard to get a grip on.

This was about to become a special afternoon and evening, that she was certain of. Walker pulled up and turned right into a parking space just in front of a two-story building. Apparently, Walker had a fine income to afford that. Certainly it could be rented, but anyway it was a nice building and she wondered how it would be like inside. Clarice had a thing about other people's homes. She always wondered about the living circumstances and interior decoration of their homes. Most of the time it gave away lots of signs and marks of the person itself and as an FBI agent she often had to literally walk in the suspects' shoes to find out how their brain works. Of course that never worked with Hannibal. She could walk in his shoes for years and never find out anything. Hannibal was different. He was too complex a person to even roughly understand what was going on in his mind. It was that simple.

Clarice found a free space, pulled up and parked the car. She got out and walked over to where Lucy Walker was standing. The dentist had her coat hanging over her arm and stood there waiting. She looked somewhat nervous - something was in her dark eyes. She almost looked haunted, Clarice thought. Well who wouldn't understand that. She had a serial killer in her past and was about to give information about Him to an FBI agent. The situation had a funny streak in it, but it was not easy to detect. Most people would probably say she was getting crazy. She was probably.

"Clarice! Please follow me. I have to apologize for the mess. The cleaning woman is only due tomorrow and I just didn't have the time to do anything. I'm really sorry." Walker said meekly.

Clarice had to smile. Somehow this woman reminded her of Ardelia. She liked her.

"It really is no big deal. I know this. Most of the time I only clean up on Sundays, or even sometime in the following week. I will just keep my eyes closed, ok?" Clarice grinned. Her big hypnotic eyes gleamed.

°

They sat down in the homey living room. It was bright and held in warm colors. It seemed that Ms. Walker had exquisite taste quite like Hannibal himself. She wondered if some of the furniture Walker had there had been a gift from the doctor. Starling kept her thoughts to herself. She would surely find out soon enough. Walker didn't seem to be a very silent person.

°

Clarice was stunned and speechless. In her hand she was holding pictures of a 'seemingly in love' couple. A relatively young Lecter and a very beautiful and likewise younger Lucinda Walker. They were holding hands and standing in front of the Eifel Tower. Of course Paris, nothing less from our doctor. Just like John Q. Public. It was amazing to see him like that. There was nothing in his eyes or mimic that could even hint that he would be the leading member of the ten most wanted list. Clarice shook her head unbelievingly. She couldn't stop shaking her head in disbelieve. It was just too unbelievable. Somehow she also felt herself developing a jealous streak. She had never been jealous before. Maybe because she'd never loved before. It was strange to think of Hannibal Lecter as her 'lover' but in a way he was or at least once had been. Even if they never actually 'made love' to put it this way. Can you really speak of 'making love' with murderer? Well he had been a very demanding lover in the small but very hot encounter they'd experienced in his rooms. Clarice found herself getting dizzy just by thinking about all those questions that formed in her head. She just wasn't supposed to think about it. It wouldn't do her emotional state any good. She already was on the verge to go crazy. She just shouldn't indulge into such thoughts. 'Just cease it immediately, girl!' she though to herself.

Clarice came back to reality and the person that was sitting across herself. Lucy seemed to be studying her profoundly.

"I'm sorry, Lucy – I was deep in thought. Did you just say something?"

"No, no Clarice – I'm just waiting for a comment! Any kind of acknowledgement that you are disgusted or even more nauseated just by the mere thought of anyone having an affair with Hannibal Lecter!" Walker said that with such immense disdain in her voice that Clarice raised her head to look into those brown depths.

For a second she thought about just spilling everything just like this – to finally tell a human soul what she _did_ with Dr. Lecter. In a way she thought that maybe just because this was a woman she would understand. Understand that Special Agent Clarice Starling too was a human being with needs and feelings and would overstep the rules and what she believed in that she would betray her deepest principles for the one man in her life, the man she loved.

But just for a second. Clarice decided she would just get something clear finally.

"Lucy, I am here because you tried to contact me with information regarding Dr. Lecter. I am a federal agent and would not dare to judge other people. I am here on my own and without the knowledge of the FBI because I call Hannibal Lecter my personal challenge. That is all. So please let's just get to the point. I believe it was you who met me at the crime scene, in the rain that night?"

"No it wasn't Clarice. It was not me! I merely sent the telegram! I was supposed to. I did it as a favor. I'm sorry!" Lucy looked at her with said eyes.

"It wasn't you… .Do you mean that it was him? He's still alive?" Clarice asked even if she knew the answer to the question. Of course he was alive. Hannibal wouldn't just kill himself. She had to grin in spite of herself.

"Yes he is Clarice!"

°°°°°°°°

-to be continued-


End file.
